The Disappearing Loch

Tina, a teacher of Geography, and a fellow outdoor leader, was expecting her first child. As she approached this momentous life event, she had begun to question her relationship with her partner and it weighed heavily on her.

We had arranged to walk in an open, hilly wilderness, familiar to both of us. However, as fog began to close in, we needed the best of our compass skills and our focus to ensure we stayed within the bounds of safety.

As we climbed we talked. After a while, it was apparent that Tina’s mind was muddled with conflicting thoughts and feelings about her situation.  When we settled into a steadier walking pace, and she began to relax, I pulled out a pack of ‘Clarity Questions’ -- cards that I often carry in my rucksack and that I’ve designed specially for occasions like this. It’s amazing how this simple prop can upgrade a seemingly causal conversation to something more constructive and meaningful.

One by one, Tina reflected and responded to the question sequence, while I kept silent, interrupting only when her focus strayed and to remind her to put her attention back on herself. And gradually, as we walked, she began to gain a greater understanding of her situation and the part she had played in its co-creation.

Pausing for a moment, she gave out a short gasp. The small loch that she’d been expecting would be in front of us, had ‘disappeared’.  She was confused, and immediately began questioning the map. Was it out of date? Could the terrain have changed since she was last there? She became insistent that something was far wrong – the loch had moved! Crazy as she knew it was, her own perspective was preventing her from seeing – and accepting - the facts before her.

It took a while, but eventually she surrendered to being lost. Reassuring her that we weren’t lost, I invited her to breathe, get re-grounded, and re-set her compass.

Bit by bit, she started mapping our location to features on the landscape and eventually understood exactly where she was standing.  In fact, we had walked a lot further than she had realised, straight past the fog-obscured loch, and we were able to make an easy descent to the base of the hill.

I asked Tina what she had taken from the experience. She noticed how, in her growing ‘muddle’ over our location she had felt increasingly anxious and fearful, and with that found it even harder to orientate herself. Instead, she hung on desperately to a picture in her mind of how things ‘should be,’ making it impossible to comprehend the full reality of her situation, or to consider other explanations.

In a fit of laughter, she realised that her reaction to this experience was a brilliant metaphor for the situation ‘back home.’

As we unfolded her insight further, her anxiety lessened, and she began to a widen her perspective to let in more information, making her relationship context a lot clearer for her. It also made her aware of a distinct pattern in her thinking, and how this can get triggered when under pressure.

Later, and with this new level of understanding about herself, Tina was able to approach her situation and her relationship with a newly empowered, creative, and open mindset.